Hour, Minute, Second
by Tears of Ten
Summary: Someone close to Jake dies. Not Tom. Not Cassie. Heck, it's not even an Animorph... ***Not the sequal to 'Desperation'*** Which I'm working on... ;)


Day, Hour, Second

By: Tears of Ten

Authors note: To anyone reading this: Do you like my work? Should I stay at **fanfiction.net**? 

Disclaimer: Crash and Burn belongs to Savage Garden. Animorphs is property of you-know-who. I don't Jake. Darn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Could I listen to your voice?

Could I listen to your sound?

Could I listen to your soul?

Could I stay with you forever?

For I am perpetually spellbound.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How should I say this?

How can I start this story?

My name is Jake.

That is so simple.

I want to come in and out with gusto. So how about something like…

I bet you wanna know who I am.

I'm Jake. And I'm on a window ledge of a very tall apartment building. With people behind me calling me names I've heard.

'Fool.'

'Wacko.'

And one, one solitary comment struck me as crazy. 

'Jake.' Followed with a tearful sob. 'Jake.'

One person in the mob of people behind me, cried 'Jake'. And who was that person? Certainly not a member of my family I've tried to forget. But one person I hadn't seen in ages.

Cassie.

But that life is gone. I've wished to goodness.

A life lost. Gone. How could I live?

This is a story about a guy named Jake. His dad. His mom. Tom. Cassie. Animorphs. And his struggles to forget the inevitable.

The way my world turned.

The death.

The departing.

The wounds that bleed openly. The ones that eat me whole. The ones that _did_ make me kill myself.

I couldn't die now. Not just yet. 

I know this doesn't make sense. Not yet anyway. So listen to what I have to say. I'm not another nut. I'm a real person. With unreal problems. Lend me your ears.

For I have a yarn to spin. My story is full of tragedy. So turn back now, for you have been warned…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Mom!' I opened my mouth to protest. 'Mom! No.'

'I said no,' my mother said. She walked over to the oven and checked on the casserole. 

My lip curled in a silent snarl.

'Why?'

She rolled her eyes. 'Jake. I've told you.'

'Tell me again.'

'Jake. We have the reunion. This weekend. No party. This reunion.'

'How many days is it going to be?' asked Tom plunking his bookbag on the table. 

'Two.'

Tom smiled. 'Cool. The Sharing is… having a meeting Sunday.'

I frowned. I don't really like the _wilderness_. I don't like _strangers_. I wanted to go to a party this weekend.

The girl who was throwing it, Cindy, has a nice house. And throws lots of parties. And she's easy on the eyes. But that is _not_ the reason I wanted to go. Cassie was going. I told her we'd go together.

Now, I'd have to cancel.

Because of the stupid reunion.

We had to go. It was on my father's side, and he insisted. My mom wanted to go too. Rachel was going too- with her father.

She didn't mind not going to the party. She hates Cindy. She thinks Cindy is stuck-up. That's because her and Cindy don't get along. Cindy is nice though. She _did_ invite Marco. And that's nice.

She also invited those two cute boys that were always with us. And I had to laugh. Ax and Tobias no doubt. But Tobias was too self-conscience to go to a party. Without Rachel… he couldn't. 

Ax was going. Tobias probably would too. He thinks Cindy is pretty. Cindy would ask him to dance. And Rachel wouldn't like that. Tobias thinks like me. He thinks so far ahead… strange, almost. He's… different. He thinks the same way I do. Ax doesn't. Marco…Rachel…Cassie.

Dad walked in the door. 'Good afternoon Jake.' He kissed my mom.

I groaned. 'What so good about it?' I asked acidly. 

'What's wrong?'

'He's a big baby. He's acting like he's about six,' interjected Tom.

'Well, like it or not we are going.'

I scowled darkly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We loaded in the car. The night air seemed cold and sharp.

Spooky, even. I smiled. Cool. The harvest moon hung low in the sky surrounded by dark purple clouds. The clustered around the moon.

The twin beams of our mini-van sliced the darkness in shards as we powered along the road. And hour or two later, we were in a motel in a small community that called itself, 'Appleville'. Appleville consisted of one hundred or more little houses, a post office, a motel, some restaurants, a gas station or two. And it also had a school, a ballpark, a grocery store, and about ten or fifteen other building in a little cluster, along blacktopped roads with the old faded sign saying 'Appleville Welcomes You.'

We pulled in and rented a room.

As we claimed beds, Dad announced he was going down to Burger King to get us a bite to eat. Mom got all cautious about the road at night, and to tell you the truth so was I.

'Dad?' He turned around in the doorway. 

'Yes, Jake?'

I smiled. 'Sorry, about the hassles and all. I love you dad.'

We hugged. Then pulled apart almost immediately. 

'Bye dad.'

'Bye dad! Get me a Whopper!' called Tom.

'Bye sweetheart. I don't want anything.' She smiled.

He walked out the door.

'Bye Jake. I love you too.'

And that's the last words my father ever said to us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thirty minutes. My dad had been gone thirty minutes. 

'When is he going to get back?' asked Tom. He peered through the window. 'A two minute drive! And he's been gone thirty!'

'He'll be back,' said mom. Comforting herself more than anyone.

I grabbed the remote for the TV and flipped channels. MTV. 

Briiiiiiing!

The phone rang shrilly.

I ignored it. 

Briiiiiiing!

I ignored it.

'Mom!'

Briiiiiing!

Mom walked over and picked up the phone.

Tom walked out of the bathroom. 'Odd.'

Yeah, odd.

Mom answered with a friendly -'Hello?'

I heard snatches of conversation.

'Appleville police! Uh…yes. Why is…Oh, my G-…no… oh dear lord…no. No I don't.'

She talked for a few more minutes. Tears running down her face. Her face had gone pale. Her hand shook. Rigidly. 

She slammed down the receiver and ran downstairs. We raced after her. Out the lobby door, into the cold night air that seemed to whisper, _something's wrong…Jake._

A cop car drover up. It was blue with white lettering proclaiming 'Appleville Police'. 

Police?

Mom, Tom, and I hopped in. I started a million questions. Tom demanded the answers. Mom looked in no mood to talk but she told us anyway.

'Your father was in an accident. He's down by the Burger King.'

She started a fresh wave of tears.

Tears stung my own eyes. I swallowed a huge lump in my throat. Tom looked –or tried to- panic stricken. For a second there, I saw Tom, real tom, and those tears weren't the Yeerk filth's tears…they were his own.

The car stopped. Mom hopped out. I ran, my mind reeling and my feet slamming the pavement almost as hard as the thudding of my heart in my chest. _Dad…dad… dad… dad._ The words played over in my mind.

I stopped short. The car windshield was broken, as if something was hurdled out it. I followed underneath it with my eyes.

Then, in all the tear blurred, panic, and sheer horror, I saw my father lying on the ground, in a pool of fresh, crimson red, blood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I gasped.

'Dad…' I whispered, unable to find the right words. 

I walked over and gingerly touched his face. Cold. And dead. Twisted in a peaceful, _dead_ look.

Dead.

'Ambulance on the way,' said the officer. 'May God be with you all.'

The sirens wailed and in a flash, dad was whisked off to a hospital. Doubtful he'd ever return alive.

I was right.

At twelve midnight, the medical team that tried to save dad reported that he was brain dead, and slipping.

At two a.m., dad died. In the hospital. In God's hands. He died. I couldn't believe it. Then again who would?

The worst thing to happen to me yet. My dad dying.

Three days later at the wake, as I looked at my dad dead lying there I cried. I did. Cassie was there. She'd never seen me really cry before. Sure, I've cried. But this time I _cried_. 

His face so still. So lifeless. So not him.

Where was his smile?

I suddenly remembered all the things he'd taught me. They rushed back in an instant, as I saw his lying there.

And the greatest gift he could give me. A loving father.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My spoon clattered to my plate. I drew my knees up to my face and buried it in them. I wrapped my arms around my legs. I rocked back and fourth. 

My world was collapsing. I loved my father. It was like losing Cassie. But, instead of crying, I'd being killing myself. No doubt. Cause, If Cassie died, it would probably have been my fault in the first place.

Cassie and I were on the same level here.

Ax felt for me. He lost a family member. A mentor. It's really hard losing someone you look up to.

Tobias felt no different. He lost –no. No one knows what happened to his mother. His dad's deceased. He said it was over. Done. You don't need to dwell on the past.

Unless your past is of bullies, self-pity, and a drunken uncle beating you every day of your miserable life… then you forget. But when your life was normal, it's hard to shift back.

It sounds cruel. Sorry. It was _meant_ to be. 

Rachel felt a familiar sort of sadness. It was her uncle. She never lost anyone. Or anything. Nothing but her sanity.

Marco knows how it feels. His mom is gone. He laughs off pain. Wish he could give me some laughter. Defense mechanism I guess you could say.

But it's not so easy…easy to forget.

So here I am. Born to take it all in.

I pressed my face in my knees, and began to sob.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I lifted my tear stained face.

No one to listen to my cries.

I lifted the receiver off the phone. Dialed a familiar number. Waited. Cassie please, please pick up.

'Hello?'

'C-Cassie?' I choked.

'Jake, what's wrong?' asked Cassie.

'N-nothing. Just… oh Cassie.'

'I know what's wrong,' she whispered.

A small tear ran down my cheek. 'Cassie, no matter how much you try, you'll never know.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Jake?' asked the teacher.

My head snapped up.

'You haven't been paying attention.'

'Sorry,' I mumbled. I stared down at my binder and picked at a piece of paper.

Someone snickered.

'See me after class.'

After that I went to lunch. Lunch wasn't so bad. 

After lunch, I went to my locker and found a note. Scrawled in hasty letters was:

__

Hey, Jake. This is me, Cassie. Meet me later, by the lockers. 

I'd have to see.

I walked by the big, football players' lockers. Everyone tells me I should be on the football team. My mom wouldn't let me probably. My dad would- no that didn't matter.

'Jake?' A deep and gentle voice caught my ear.

'Cassie.'

We chatted until it was time for next period. I turned to walk. My sneakers skidded on the polished floor as I heavily tromped along. Mentally tired. 

'One more thing Jake.'

I walked back to Cassie.

'I love you Jake.'

She leaned forward and gave me a kiss.

'And don't you ever forget it.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'What's for dinner?'

'Whatever we have is what,' she stated, staring at me, through me, like I wasn't even there.

'Are you okay mom?' I asked, giving her a strange look. She seemed so…I don't know. Not there. I mean mentally she was there. My mom has always been together. But she seemed emotionally torn. I t broke my heart to see her like this.

'Do I look okay?' she replied in a low silky voice. A definite remorse to it. I almost laughed. I know the voice well. I'd used it.

'Yeah. Well I have homework. Bye.' It came out much, much harsher than I had intended it to be. She didn't want to talk? Fine. Cool with me. I stomped up our carpeted stairs. They made a hollow thumping sound when you walked on them. I took them slowly.

'Jake?' I turned around.

'The principal called today.'

'Yeah?'

'He's worried about you.'

'Really?' I cocked an eyebrow. Then I began to walk upstairs.

'Stop,' she said using the 'parent' voice. 'He also said you had trouble with your work.'

I looked down. So I hadn't been keeping up. Would you?

She left it at that. She turned to the window, coldly and rudely grunted, 'Go do your homework.'

I went into my room, with all the emotions in my head twirling around and around. I opened my English book and felt a shiver; I'd never seen my mother like this.

And it scared me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Hey, Cass,' I said sitting down next to her. She smiled, then frowned at her bookbag, and continued what she was doing.

'Hi, Jake,' she said, then muttered, 'Stupid broken zipper.' She began to fiddle with it, trying to get it to zip.

'Cassie, what are you doing this afternoon?'

She looked up. 'Nothing…why?'

'I was wondering if you'd like to go-that is if you're not busy or anything- to the mall with me?'

She smiled a warm smile. 'Sure, I'd love to.' She reached over and slipped her hand into mine.

'So what are we planning to do there?'

'Get away. Spend some time alone…'

She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Yeah, I know, Cassie had kissed me before, but every time she looked at me, touched me on the arm or something, I felt a warm glow, a flutter in my stomach. Cassie was the only girl who made me feel special. I liked her for that.

'But you hate the mall,' I pointed out.

'Not when you're there.' 

The kid across from Cassie rolled his eyes. 'Get a room.'

His friend laughed. She then rolled her eyes.

'Get a life,' she snapped at the boy, 'Honestly you are so immature.'

Cassie turned away. She leaned forward to give me another kiss and-

The bus lurched to a stop, wheezed, opened the doors. Cassie and I got off .We didn't live here, but it was closer to the mall. We walked down the sidewalk, and to the mall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I looked at my watch. It was… seven forty-four!

'Oh, my lord!' I yelled. 

'What?' asked Cassie, alarmed.

'It's…it's about a quarter till eight!'

'Oh… we'd better get home.'

'Yeah. I have homework.'

Cassie and I walked out of the mall. The sky was darkening. The air itself seemed dark.

I looked at Cassie. She was so beautiful. She had a spotlight on her too. Except it glowed form within. It's was almost like she wasn't _her_, she wasn't something else… someone more, than Cassie. 

She just shined. She had that way about her. Everyone agrees Rachel's got the spotlight, and that the way she moves even is special. I fail to see that. Maybe it's because we're cousins. When I look at her through different eyes, she is very beautiful.

Maybe, it's because I only find Cassie pretty, maybe it's something else.

Cassie says she isn't special. That's the only time I've found her dead wrong. She is. That's what she fails to see, even with her perceptive mind She is special.

No matter how much she denies it.

'What are you thinking about Jake?'

'You.'

She laughed; I love her laugh. 'Right, Jake, right.'

She didn't know how right she was.

We walked up the street to my house.

Cassie walked me to the porch. I know the guy walks the girl home, but I live closer. 

We exchanged a kiss. The flutter was back. 

'Bye, had a great time.' She walked off, and vanished into the distance. Alone.

'Bye, Cassie,' I whispered.

The opened the front door. The door creaked and groaned and I wiped my feet on the mat, and went inside.

The house was empty. Totally. I felt a hot sensation rise up from my toes.

Tom was at a Sharing meet, or the Yeerk pool. I didn't care.

Where was mom?

Then in the darkness, a light flicked on.

Then an angry voice asked, 'Now, where have _you_ been?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Mom!' I walked over to her, and put my bookbag in a chair.

'At the mall with Cassie and-'

'Do you know what _time_ it is?' she yelled.

'Eight?' I muttered lamely.

'Yes, eight. Very, very, late. Why are you so late?'

'Sorry, time slips?'

'No Jake, you didn't call.' She bit her lip. 'I can't have you dying too.'

'I wasn't dead mom.'

'Well, someday something will happen!' Her voice rose. 'And you'll be dead, and I won't know and I'll call and look and worry, until they find your body!' she screamed, hysterically. Her body shook. Tears ran down her face. She clenched her fists.

Help.

She'd gone psycho. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I backed up, slightly. 'Mom, I take this, you aren't mad about me coming in at eight.'

She glared. 'No, you're… something will happen to you surely.' She screamed. 'You.'

'Mom, dads is-'

'I already lost Greg.' She was full-blown screaming now. '_I don't want you to die_!'

'Dad is dead!' I said, desperately. Crying. Cruel, huh? Pitiful, huh? I didn't care about being strong. 'He's dead! Planted! And never coming back!' I said with a sob.

I left.

'DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!'

I slapped me across the face. A loud sound. She'd never hit me before. Tears welled in my eyes.

'I don't care! I'll die anyway!'

'It's your entire fault he's dead!' she screamed. I waited for her to apologize. 

Nothing. That hurt more than she hitting me did. It pierced me. My soul my heart. It made me bleed. 

'GO! RUN! I don't care! Leave!' she shouted pointing to the door. Then she called me a word I'd never heard anyone call me.

I did. I ran. I heard Tom come in.

'What's his problem? He was crying.'

I saw mom smile. 'Nothing sweetie. Want some dinner?'

That hurt. How dare she treat him equally?

And also how dare she blame me for dad's death? She'd lost it. She'd lost me too. I'd slit my own throat before returned to that wretched place.

How could she? How dare she? How dare she? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I rapped at the door of Cassie's house.

She appeared at the door. I was crying, reeling. I didn't want to explain.

She went pale. 'Jake…what's the matter?'

'Mom…she's lost it. Crazy. Could I come in?'

'No…' She thought. 'Mom! It's just Jake. I'll be in a minute!'

She stepped out, into the cold, on the porch. 'Chilly.'

I sat down on the porch swing. She saw my cheek. She touched it. A fresh wave of tears began.

'She says…it's my fault dad died. Cassie nothing's my fault!'

She looked at me, with her beautiful, concerned face. I shifted position to be closer to her. She had tears shining in her eyes.

'I wish he were still here. Nothings ever fair. I just don't want to lose mom or Tom or better yet you. That's what she was so mad about. She didn't want me to die. She was so worried. And I told her… oh, Cassie, what kind of monster am I?'

'What do you want me to do? Say, 'there, there'? I can't Jake. That was over the line. You are so responsible. Together. It tears me to see you like this.'

She pulled me in.

Then I did something that would hurt my 'delicate male' self as Rachel said. Hurt my macho man pride. Something I'd never do. 

I laid my head down in Cassie lap. I spilled my guts. Sissy, huh?

I didn't care. She stroked my hand. And in the night that would be my turning point to be together and responsible, I cried. Cassie parents heard me. We swung together, so quiet, except for my crying.

In her lap, I laid down and sobbed. What did it matter? I felt better. I cried.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, with sunlight washing through my window, streaming, I felt a sense of duty. I mean corny as it sounds, I did.

So, right there in front of myself, I swore by dad I would never back out, and help mom. No matter how much it would torment me. Physically, and mentally. But in my emotions-never. Never…never…

I would be true to myself.

I met Marco the next day. I told him what happened. And I swear, for one single moment, all the pain and anguish flashed on his face. Reliving what it felt like to have your mother the enemy.

Or, in his case, your mothers body. And in that solitary minute, I couldn't cry. I'd weep tears of pain, when I was alone.

__

God, haven't I _endured_ enough?

I guess not. This was the real-life stuff. Not like a battle or war. Speaking of which can be over as far as the sorry, cowering human race's butts are concerned.

I never had given up. But, as horribly selfish as it seems, I can't save the world. Mom can't lose another. Now I know of Marco's predicament.

It's hard. Mostly.

Marco didn't help any. Cynical, sarcastic little… I need to get a grip. Not about Marco, Jake. About your guilty self. You're stained soul. Can I finally repent for all my lowly, evil sins? Yes. How shall I name them?

Or maybe I better start over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Afterwards, I became more together than ever. So responsible. I became different. Mom seemed different too. We stopped talking. All she ever did for me was cook. I stopped morphing. I considered becoming a _nothlit_. A person trapped in a morph. But I made a promise to myself, to dad.

I'd be strong.

No matter how much it hurt.

We moved away. Left town. I totally forgot. My past was just that- past.

I'm glad we left. I lost touch with Cassie.

I wish I hadn't.

My mom and I grew apart. My high school years were filled with psychologists and doctors. Counseling was one thing that will burn in my memory. My soul is gone. Eaten up with guilt from my past. What if it was my fault? I wish I could take back my angry words. I know I apologized. But did he know how much I loved him?

No. Us, guys can't do the 'I love you' thing. I can with Cassie.

But let's say it never happened. For reasons of my own sanity. I took years of counseling to have people tell me to 'put it behind me'

I couldn't. No matter how, how, _how_ hard I tried, I just couldn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

So that's my story. Make of it what you will. Sad? Yes. Full of self- pity? You'd better believe it. But in the midst of it all was something else: hope.

So, warp back to me on the ledge, wanting to kill myself. Crazy isn't it? I'm trying to forget. But this is the best way I know how. I live in New York City now… by myself. I married a woman named Katrina. On our second anniversary, she died in a boating accident. Then all the guilt, the pain, the horror came rushing back in an unhealthy dose, and here I was. I prepared to leap.

'Jake.'

No it was all over. I'd jump.

'Please Jake. No.'

One, two…

'JAKE!'

All of a sudden, my life flashed before my eyes.

Marco.

Rachel.

Mom. Dad. 

Tom. 

Tobias.

Cassie.

Cassie. Cassie?!

Tears seeped form the ducts in the corners of my dark brown eyes. They stung. Thirty-years worth. A lot of pain.

'Jake!' sobbed the voice. Cassie.

I withdrew from the ledge and into Cassie's arms. She began to cry. My co-workers began to cheer, and cry and be happy I was alive.

No more happy than I was. I'd almost ended my life, I was crazy, I was a fool. I was Jake. And I was alive.

I'm not so sure if that was the wiser decision of the two present choices.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Salt and just a little butter.'

'Butter and salt and two hot chocolates,' I said, looking at Cassie. She blushed.

I paid for our soft pretzels. We were in Central Park doing the tourist thing. It was fun.

We sat down on a park bench. It was cold and beginning to snow 

'I'm glad you're not dead.'

'Me too.'

'I love you Cassie.'

'I love you too Jake.'

'Has it been hard…to forget?'

'The most difficult thing in the world.' I slipped my hand into hers. 'Thank you for helping.'

She smiled.

'Do you remember…oh how's Rachel?'

'Married.'

'To Tobias?'

She nodded. 'Ax is home. And Marco…' Her eyes filled with tears. They shined in the streetlight that splashed in pools on the sidewalk in the approaching dark. 'Lost it. He's married. Two kids. He's divorced though. He couldn't take it,' she whispered.

'Rachel is alone in her fantasy of delusion. Tobias apathetic. They're so sad Jake. I can't take it.'

'We're here finally. Together.'

'So…will we pick up where we left off?'

'What do you mean?' Cassie wiped her eyes. They were all swollen. Like she was crying.

'Will you marry me?'

She smiled. And wrapped her arms around my neck. 'Thirty-years I've waited. To hears those words. And then whenever you tried to commit suicide, I saw my hopes- our hopes go down the drain.

Later we talked about old times. War. Friends and how we couldn't live without each other.

'Do you remember…the blood?' she asked. She bit her lip.

'I can't though. I remember it all. I wish to God that I could forget.' I sighed. 

'Promise me Jake,' she said seriously, 'That you'll never do that again.'

I promised.

She put her arms around me, and we landed in the right place, and kissed like it our last days. I felt a connection to Cassie, not like one to anyone else.

'I love you. I'll be back.'

'I'll love you too.'

Cassie said goodbye and left.

I sat there alone on the park bench

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

__

Seven years later…

Cassie, sorry. I have to do this.

We married that spring. We had children. A life. But guilt is not a thing you can live with. Not me at least. So I returned to that sight, the bench where we sat years before.

The snow fell around me like white powder, wrapping me into it's charismatic, but soft world like rain it fell, and told me _Jake, Jake, Jake_. It got colder. Harder, snow, harder.

The moon cast a glare on the snow. I can't see how I saw it. So many street lights.

Sorry Cassie.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry…

I broke my promise.

Sorry…

It got colder.

I prayed for forgiveness.

It got very cold. Very, very cold. The snow became hard. I began to cry. Like the snow, gently.

I love you Cassie. She'd find the note. The letter. The apology. I swore. To my dad.

Sorry…

And in the cold, that piano music played, and everything went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Epilogue  __

Jake, how could you? I found the note. I cried. I cried. He killed himself. Selfish fool!

I don't know why I gave him a second chance. Tears. Lonely tears.

Do you know what that is to me? Three kids, a job, a life.

He left.

One year today. My youngest, two, never really knew him. I think that is so sad. I feel more remorse that hate. I can't hate the father of my children after all. My oldest was six, then there was a four-year-old. How was I to support them?

I climbed in my car. Jabbed the keys in. Sped away. My children were visiting my mother. I needed a cooling period.

The graveyard. I t wasn't spook though. It was beautiful. The sun was shining. Fluffy, white, cumulus clouds. Birds singing. New York City sounds. Flowers. Trees.

And a lone grave stood. I walked over to it, with my roses. It was also our eight-year anniversary. 

I placed the roses on the grave and brought back my hand. Blood. The rose thorn had caught my hand. Blood. Shedding like tears in my heart.

I kneeled down and prayed. To Jake.

I wanted him to know I still love him. 

I really did.

Really, and truly, I blamed myself. Here's the guilt. Pain. Sick of hearing it, eh? I am too. Life's tragic.

__

'I love you Jake.'

'I love you too Cassie.'  __

'We'll always be together.'

'Cassie… whenever life gets you down… you pick me up.'

He wrapped me in his arms. I felt that one-in-a-million glow of Jake.

'Don't leave me… ever.'

'I'll die when you die.'

'We'll be right here together.'

When you feel all alone,

And the world has turned it's back on you,

'I can't take loneliness.'

Give me a moment please,

To tame your wild, wild heart,

'I can't bear it either.'

When darkness is upon your doorstep, 

You feel like you can't take it take it anymore,

'We'll never say goodbye for goodbye is forever.'

….lift you up and fly away with you into the night….

….When need to crash …..

And in that day, hour, minute, second, I cried like never before.

I knelt down and cried for Jake.

…… Then crash and burn you're not alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE END


End file.
